My mom would be proud of me. I am cooking a new dish that I've never even tasted before, much less prepared. It's really healthy and is full of squash and wild rice and various dried fruits and herbs. The reality is that it's a labor of love for my stepdaughter, who recently became a vegan and won't find much to eat at Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow unless I bring something that fits her dietary specifications. But actually it's been kind of fun to make, and as I've cooked memories of my mom are flooding my mind.
...I'm remembering all the Thanksgiving Eve's from my childhood when Mom would prepare rice-just plain, boring old rice-for dinner. That's all we were given from dinner that night until the Thanksgiving meal the next day, and this tradition served as a reminder of all the children around the world who went to bed hungry every night or enjoyed meager rations at best. I hope that someday I can pass on these lessons to my own kids.
Several friends have passed along words of hope and sound advice and strong hugs this week as I prepare for the first holiday without my mom. I don't know what to expect tomorrow, but I know I've shed enough tears today to fill a water glass on the Thanksgiving table. Everything seemed sort of hollow: grocery shopping, packing, dropping the dogs at the kennel, shutting down my computer at work-as though there was nothing to look forward to. There is much to anticipate, of course: seeing my family members and especially Miles and Claire, enjoying food and friendship and spending time with John's family this coming Saturday. I am just going to try to rest in a spirit of gratitude for what I do have.
I think I am most grateful for Heaven because I know that although my mom won't occupy a seat at the Thanksgiving table tomorrow she and I will share a feast together one day.
I can feel her smile as I write this. I'm glad she's with my Baba and surrounded by others we have known and loved.
My heart also is filled with gratitude for each of you. Blessings to you as we thank God for his mercy and his abiding presence.
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As always I feel better when I read your posts.
ReplyDeleteI'm so preoccupied with your Mom I forget to check the blog, this was a pleasant surprise. Imagine that just today coming home I was remembering the "just rice" meal and the first time Deb explained your family tradition. Thanks for sharing Nadine. Love, Dorothy