Hello Everyone,
Will and I just returned from my appointment with my oncologist at Penn. She is such a lovely woman with much knowledge and compassion.For me, chemotherapy cannot help to make me a surgical candidate (too many tumors in the liver and lungs and too large a tumor in the colon), it cannot cure the disease nor can it lead to remission.
Therefore I have decided to not have any more treatments for the cancer. I will continue to have a relationship with my oncologist and see her periodically for blood tests, but for primary medical treatment I will be under the care of Penn Wissahickon Hospice starting tomorrow.
Will, Nadine and John and Grant and Deborah are all supportive and loving, knowing how much prayer went into this decision. For me chemo may prolong death, but it won't extend life. I've always wanted to have quality of life over quantity.
Of course we don't know how long life will last. Only the Lord knows that answer. So I will be pleased and thankful for you to continue taking this journey with me. Love, Deb
From Will - Reading "how long life will last" makes me very sad. Is this the beginning of the end? Not really - The apostle Paul's words in his second letter to Corinth give us hope. "We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." We do appreciate your support....Will
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Seeing this in print was hard to read. Please know with a certainty that you are being lifted up in prayer on our end, prayers for strength and the peace that passes all understanding. I Love You, Dorothy
ReplyDeleteWE AGREE WITH DOROTHY....THIS IS VERY HARD TO READ! OUR LOVE AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND WILL AS YOU CONTINUE YOUR JOURNEY. LOVE YOU, BECKY AND STEVE
ReplyDeleteDeb, as much as your post saddens me, I agree with you 100% -- it's exactly what I'd do in your situation. When you sent your "difficult news" e-mail 9/27/09, you wisely didn't ask for my advice. I wouldn't have endured chemo at all with your diagnosis, but you bravely did. It bought you at least two glorious family get-togethers -- Florida in March, and Nadine & John's wedding in May.
ReplyDeleteAs far as I know, you've always been a voracious reader. So I'm guessing you're both fascinated and comforted, as I am, by the Hebrews 12:2 description of Jesus as "author." "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." It's also interesting to me that the verse Will quoted and this one have in common the words "fix our eyes." You're focusing on what matters -- and Who matters.
None of us would have chosen the chapter the past eight months have been for you. None of us would choose it for ourselves. But I read that one never picks up a book and says, "This author started the book -- I wonder who finished it." The same Author Who started your life -- the Word Himself -- will hold you close and be with you to the very last word, and way beyond. We can trust our days, our pages, chapters, even conclusion, to His pen.
I just read an article by a Lutheran pastor with Parkinson's disease, who finds strength in Psalm 73. "Nevertheless I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me with honor. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire other than you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:23-26
I know there is much else on earth that you desire -- health and time with Will, Nadine & John, Grant & Deborah, Miles & Claire, your dad and other loved ones. I look forward to your posts as you live in the present and savor each day.
With love & prayers,
B.J.