One round down, three to go. Mom made it through her treatment this morning and felt encouraged after talking with the surgeon, who makes a point of remaining optimistic. Mom and Dad are planning to spend a quiet evening at home tonight. We are choosing as a family to look toward 2010 with hope and anticipation of God's continued provision and care.

Happy New Year!

Tomorrow morning Mom will be getting another round of chemo. Please remember to pray for her.

PET Scan Results

The results of Mom's most recent scan confirm that there are 5 cancerous tumors in her lungs. Due to the fact that there are multiple tumors and that the overall size of the tumors in her liver, colon, and lungs is too large for surgery at this point, Mom's doctors advise that she undergo 4 more rounds of chemo with the hopes that the tumors will continue to shrink and surgery will be an option in mid-March. Once they determine if a springtime surgery is feasible, they will decide how to best keep the lung tumors at bay. Mom plans to meet with a thoracic surgeon sometime in the near future as well to get additional information.

This news is very hard to take and makes the coming year seem daunting. Please pray fervently for strength for Mom as she takes on more chemo beginning this Thursday morning (the 31st). Please also pray for wisdom for her, for my dad, and for the doctors as they take one step--and one day--at a time.

On a positive note: Mom and Dad booked a cruise to Rome in June and John and I continue to happily plan our May wedding and have begun our house hunt. Grant and Deborah are still at Mom and Dad's with the kids, who make everyone smile. We are choosing to keep hope alive and thank you for hoping along with us.

Christmas Day

Hello, everyone.

Hopefully you have had a blessed Christmas and are enjoying, as we are, family game time and a roaring fire along with laughter and delicious food. I admit that there were a few tears shed this morning (ok, more than a few from me) as we opened meaningful gifts and reflected together.

I remembered an e-mail that a friend from Leverington had sent me this past week and wanted to share part of it with you.

Lord Jesus, master of both the light and the darkness, send your Holy Spirit upon our preparations for Christmas. We who have so much to do seek quiet spaces to hear your voice each day. We who are anxious over many things look forward to your coming among us. We who are blessed in so many ways long for the complete joy of your kingdom. We whose hearts are heavy seek the joy of your presence. We are your people, walking in darkness, yet seeking the light. To you we say, "Come Lord Jesus!" Henri J. M. Nouwen

May you feel God's presence with you tonight, tomorrow, and every day after that. Thank you for continuing to share in friendship and love with us.

From Deb

Hello Everyone,

We do not have the results of the PET scan. None of the doctors phoned. I'm going to assume they are short handed with the Christmas week here and that we won't hear results until next week. The unknown is frightening, but that's where trust comes in.

Tonight Nadine and John arrive, and tomorrow Grant and Deborah, along with Miles and Claire come. We are so very excited to have our family here. We plan to be thankful for our time together as we celebrate the birth of Christ.

God bless you all,
Deb

From Deb and Will

In the midst of what seems a surreal experience or a bad dream, we stop and pause as we watch people everywhere deal with suffering and pain, and pray for the Hope promised to us all.

Even as we await results from today's PET scan with some fear, we know that the Lord is the author of our lives and the He has already ordained our days on earth before we lived one. How thankful we are for Jesus, His birth, and His death and resurrection. Wiothout that we would know no mercy or grace.

How can we begin to thank all of you for your incredible gifts of love you have given to us? Our son Grant was here for the weekend and expressed amazement at the many lives his mom has touched and how friends are reciprocating with love in these tenuous days.

We are thankful for the food. Although Will can cook, it is such a blessing to have the time to sit and hold hands and not have to worry about preparing food. We feel overwhelmed with friends who come up with such creative ways to show love: planting bulbs, showing up to bake cookies so I have them for when all the "kids" arrive on Christmas Eve, gift cards to Whole Foods, Trader Joes, Barned and Noble, warm clothes to keep the cold away, matching Christmas mornng socks for Deb, Nadine and Deborah, inspirational paintings and music, and so much more.

We appreciate your prayers and word of support. We don't know what 2010 holds. Although the doctors are not optimistic, they are not God. I am thankful He is my fortress and strength. I will look to Him.

We know so many of you have gone through or are going through difficult times. We consider it a blessing for you to share those with us so we can pray for you also.

Our prayer in this most wondrous time of year is that you will fill your lives with the hope that Christ can bring, and you will grasp onto His assuring presence, just a we do.

Thank you all for your presence in our lives. We send much love and wish you all a very blessed Christmas with family and friends.
Deb and Will

Tomorrow at 8:30 Mom will get a PET scan to get a clearer picture of the scope of the cancer. Please pray.

More insight into Mom's condition:

My cousin Natalie went with Mom and Dad today to listen in as the doctor talked to Mom about the status of things. I thought her summary would be much more helpful than something I could write based on second-hand information, so the text of her e-mail is included below. I'm waiting for our miracle...

Thank you both again for inviting me to be a part of your appointment today. It wasn't easy, but it was really important to me that I could be there. I wanted to give you a run down of what I heard in the appointment today. I can't promise that I remember it all perfectly; you may have gotten a different perspective than I did, but there was a lot that was thrown at us and we were all very emotional, so I thought it might help to have it written down...

Overall, I think it is important to keep remembering that we have to be positive and optimistic; the chemo is working. We saw pictures of the liver masses before and after treatment, and they are both shrinking and getting much less dense. Dr. Sun mentioned that only 50% of cases respond to chemo, so this is a very good thing. Also, what we were feeling was negligence and a lack of communication on their behalf he wants us to realize is that they are all trying to make the best decision and that your case is very hard. They are only able to operate on 20-30% of tumors, but they try to give every case the best shot that they can have. If you just had a primary tumor with a few liver masses, they would do surgery with no concern. If you only had one lung mass, they would also do surgery, especially since ALL the masses are responding to the chemo and getting smaller. Since you have quite a few masses in your liver AND have a few masses in your lungs, they are very concerned that doing major surgery on your liver and giving you the chance to recover afterwards (with no other chemo treatments) would allow the remaining tumors in the liver and the lungs to grow even more, and that surgery like that would be a bad option, because if the surgery doesn't buy you some amount of quality time, then it's not worth doing. They are all on the fence right now as to the plan of action, so they have scheduled a PET scan to get a better sense of what your lungs look like (how many masses there are and in how many places) and how well they are responding to the chemo.

They also seem to want to do a few more rounds of chemo, because since it is working so well and they are on the fence about doing surgery, a few more rounds of this therapy will likely make all the tumors shrink more and give you a better chance at a successful surgery. Dr. Dreiben will touch base with you after the PET scan to share the result, but again, this may not tell us whether or not surgery is the plan, since they may need the few more rounds of chemo to actually decide. It may however tell us if surgery is out of the question, if there are too many masses in the lungs for them to feel like surgery is a viable option.Dr. Sun also talked a lot about the reality of your cancer. As we know, a cure is not an option. Although he said that eventually the cancer will win the war, as long as there are battles to fight, you can win them, and you have to fight.

He seems to think that regardless of whether or not you are able to have surgery, you will continue with chemo treatments. Although you feel terrible with the chemo treatments, he feels that you are doing much better than most people do and tolerating them well. If surgery is not an option, there can be discussions about changing the drugs so that you have more of a quality of life than you currently do, although he warns us that what we consider a quality of life may have to shift. Although he can't tell you how long you will be able to feel ok if you stop the chemo drugs or how much time you will buy while you are on them, he reminded us that even off of the drugs, how good you feel is not going to be how you used to feel, so it's unfair to use that as a baseline (I think that was what he was trying to say). He also advised against stopping chemo treatments, but seemed ok with taking one round off for the holidays. Since they are working, why stop? Also, your tumors will get resistant to the treatments at some point, so getting the most out of the time that you have with these drugs is best.

Please be in prayer for Mom tomorrow as she meets with her doctors. Especially pray that all of the questions she and Dad have brainstormed will come to their minds and they will receive concrete answers.

I didn't get a chance to post again before I left Philadelphia, but I wanted to share with all of you that Mom was able to attend church on Sunday to hear the Christmas Cantata. We sat in the balcony and were joined by my cousins. It was nice to be able to enjoy the beautiful music--and Dad's singing debut!--all together. She does seem to be somewhat stronger, which reinforces our opinion that this break she is taking from chemo is very much needed. Two of Mom's doctors called today and suggested that Mom come in for a consult on Thursday morning. They will discuss a plan for January...right now it seems like the doctors want her to have 4 more rounds of chemo, so we will see...

There is nothing like sitting in front of a roaring fire in the home where I grew up, catching a glimpse every so often of the twinking lights dancing on the Christmas tree in the next room. Mom, Dad, and I have been busy wrapping, baking, and decorating all day today. I took a mid-afternoon break while Mom rested and shopped over in Chestnut Hill (a very charming area filled with unique boutiques, for those of you not from Philadelphia) before having coffee with a high school friend. It's hard not to be infused with Christmas joy even in the midst of trying circumstances, but I know it's because I am spending time with some of the people I love the most, and because we anticipate the celebration of the greatest hope, a hope that inspires and refuels us emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

It's been a quiet week so far, and I haven't had many updates for all of you. Mom and Dad are continuing to live out the "new normal," with Mom working from home and visiting with friends when she can muster the energy. Dad has been busy with church activities and preparing for the Christmas concert this coming Sunday. I can't figure out where my week went...this time of year is such a whirlwind.

We did get word today from the liver doctor (I'm sure he has a formal title, but I'm not sure what it is) that he would like Mom to get 4 more rounds of chemo starting in January since her liver continues to respond. Right now Mom is just focusing on rebuilding her strength and isn't prepared to make decisions about chemo right now. The oncologist is supposed to weigh in tomorrow. We think that Mom's treatment team will order a PET scan early in January to ensure that they are targeting all areas of the body that house cancer.

I fly out tomorrow evening to spend the weekend wrapping and baking and talking and sitting and just being near Mom.

The results are in...

Well, friends, the news isn't great. Mom's scans show that while the tumors in her liver continue to shrink, the lung tumors aren't responding well to the chemo. Although all of Mom's doctors have not yet met to discuss the scans and make suggestions as to what steps to take next, Mom has decided that she is not going to get the next round of chemo scheduled for December 17th. Instead, she will take a break for Christmas and try to re-gain some of her strength while enjoying time with all of us, then re-assess in January.

There is still time for miracles to happen, so please pray earnestly that the lungs will somehow come on-board and the tumors will begin to respond. Another concern is that Mom is in a lot of pain and continuing to battle nausea and other effects of the cumulative chemo treatments.

In the meantime, we will not become hopeless but instead focus on the beauty and joy of the season, anticipating all the quality time we will spend together over the next several weeks.

I know that we have all appreciated the comments you have made both publicly on the blog and privately via e-mail or phone conversation. Please continue to send encouragement. I always welcome "guest contributors," so if you have a scripture verse to share, a funny story to tell, or a simple reflection please don't hesitate to type away. Thank you all for the outpouring of love you continue to offer.

Not much news to report today. The skies are overcast here in Pittsburgh and light snow is falling. I wonder how many others who are reading this are experiencing the first snowfall of the season. I wish I felt as peaceful as it looks outside.

Prayer for mom is more critical now than ever as we await the results of Friday's scans. We should know something more on Tuesday. For now, Mom and Dad are enjoying the company of friends and managing to unpack some Christmas decorations.

Isaiah 43: 1-3

But now, this is what the LORD says--
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned:
the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD, your God,
the Hold One of Israel, your Savior."

I wish I had better news to report at the end of a very long day. Mom and Dad were at the hospital from 8 a.m. until nearly 8 p.m. They had to wait a long time for chemo and then to meet with the surgeon, who didn't deliver the news we had hoped. Instead of scheduling Mom's surgery, the doctors are having her come this Friday for a scan of her lungs. They feel they need to determine the condition of her lungs to make a determination about whether or not the colon and liver surgery would be advisable at this point. Mom will return to the hospital on Friday to have the chemo pack removed and to have the scan. This is a good time to pray for miracles.

On a positive note, my parents' long-time friend, Jane Hultman, arrived from Pittsburgh today and will be joined by her husband, Dick, on Friday. I hope this visit is meaningful and encouraging for them all.

As Mom prepares for a 5th round of chemo tomorrow at 9:30 a.m. and meets with the surgeon, please pray for the following requests:

1. Pray that the surgery will be scheduled as soon as possible and that Mom will be a candidate for both the colon and liver surgery at the same time.

2. Pray that Mom will be able to endure another grueling round of chemo and still have strength left to enjoy the upcoming Christmas festivities.

3. Pray that Mom's side effects from the chemo will be minimal and that the tumors will continue to steadily shrink.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MOM AND DAD!

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away."

On the eve of Mom and Dad's 36th wedding anniversary, I paused to read and reflect on the above quote. I also pause now to celebrate the marriage of my parents, of two people who have been through their share of the "better" and the "worse, " of a couple who has experienced the interworkings of marriage and the ups and downs of life and continually come out on the other side. I am sure there were many times when they could have thrown in the towel, said 'enough is enough', pursued dreams of their own so personal that neither Grant nor I could even begin to guess at what they were. I can only hope and pray that I will have the opportunity, someday, to celebrate as many anniversaries as my mom and dad will celebrate tomorrow.

Maybe some would say that there isn't much to celebrate right now. Maybe Mom and Dad feel tired or feel as though they are gazing into a future so uncertain that they might as well stop planning and just passively accept what comes. But I don't believe that love is passive. I believe that love "always hopes, always perseveres." So press on, Mom and Dad. Keep moving forward with determination and hope and gladness. Keep modeling the forgiveness for one another and the committment to one another that I have grown to admire. I know that I join many, many others when I pray that 36 years will turn into 46 and 56 and 66 and all the while, through trial after trial, your roots will become more deeply intertwined.

Thank you for being models of love for me and for Grant and for others in your life. I love you both with all my heart.

I'm so happy that today is sunny and bright for Mom and Dad's drive back across the turnpike. It is never easy for me to say goodbye, but that's been the case with me even before Mom got sick. I'm trying to focus on the fact that we had a great time together and that Christmas is right around the corner.

Yesterday Mom and Dad accompanied me to a bridal boutique where I bought my wedding dress, and then in the evening John joined us for a belated birthday dinner for Dad. We kept everything low-key because Mom was very tired and still dehydrated. Plus, she needed to reserve her energy for this morning, when a friend of Deborah and Grant's spent over an hour photographing all of us together, both posed shots and candids of the kids playing and all of us sitting around talking.

As you think about Mom this week and continue to uphold her in prayer, please pray specifically that she will be strong as she approaches yet another round of chemo. I could tell just by being near her as well as by what she expressed that it will be hard to face another round right on the heels of the last one. She will also meet with the surgeon early this coming week to set a date for surgery.

Happy Thanksgiving!

By the time most of you read this it will be the day after Thanksgiving and you will be reheating leftovers. I hope you were all able to enjoy time with the special people in your life. Thankfully, Mom and dad made it safely to Pittsburgh on Tuesday and were able to visit with Grant, Deborah, Miles, and Claire before spending Wednesday with my mom's dad. We thought that Mom was over the hump from her last chemo treatment and had experienced few symptoms, but unfortunately today was very rough for her. While we all feasted at the dinner table, Mom sat in the other room covered in blankets, sometimes holding Claire, trying to keep hydrated. Still, I was so thankful that we were given the gift of today. Sometimes my vision blurred with tears, sometimes I was laughing along with the others as we played games and told stories, but I kept reminding myself that the important thing was having each moment to cherish.

Tomorrow holds the promise of more opportunities to make lasting memories. Please continue to pray that Mom will gain some weight, keep down food and liquids, and be encourgaged and strengthened.

Thank you all for your good wishes and engagement congratulations! I'm thankful to have such a generous, kind, and family-oriented man in my life who has a great relationship with my family. I am praying with confidence that the great news about Mom's shrinking tumors will continue and that she will have many many many years to share in happy occasions like this one.

Speaking of the power of prayer, Mom and I were talking today about the fact that she is feeling pretty well despite the recent dose of chemo, and she is definitely attributing that to everyone's prayers. My cousins visited with her yesterday and she had an accupuncture appointment today, but other than that she has been resting and preparing for the drive to Pittsburgh tomorrow. Please pray for traveling mercies as well as for Mom's pain and fatigue to be at a minimum as they travel. We anticipate many opportunities to make wonderful memories over the next several days.

From Deb

Will and I are so pleased to announce that today Nadine became engaged to John Michalak. We welcome John to our family. He is personable, outgoing, loves our daughter and loves the Lord. We look forward to celebrating this wonderful occassion when we are all together at Grant and Deborah's house for Thanksgiving.

For me, the chemo was removed today after its 3 day infusion into my body. With the encouraging news that the tumors are shrinking it is a bit easier to put up with the horrible side effects as the poison wrecks havoc with my body. Typically Sunday and Monday are the days I really crash so I solicit your prayers specifically for the next two days.

God is certainly faithful in answering prayers. What a joy to be able to trust in Him.

Great news! Mom's test results showed that all of the tumors are shrinking and there are no new tumors. Her CEA numbers (cancer markers) also decreased significantly. She received a fourth Chemo treatment today and was very encouraged by this news. Thanks so much for all of your prayers, they are working!! Praise God!!

From Nadine...

I was driving to work this morning, listening to K-Love (Christian radio) when I heard a song called "Let the Waters Rise" by this new band called Mike's Chair. The words ministered to me and I wanted to share them with all of you.

Don't know where to begin
It's like my world's caving in
And I tried but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here

Sometimes it's so hard to pray
You feel so far away
I am willing to go where you want me to
God I trust you

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
if you want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cause you'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God you know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding your hand

God your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto you

God your love is enough
I will follow you
I will follow you

Deb's turn

Hello,

I was talking to Nadine and sharing my days with her and she said she thought it would be helpful to share with you. So here goes. Yesterday (Monday) was a particularly low day for me. I went to work at the office but got so exhausted I had to leave. I simply couldn't shake the feeling of doom. I cried most of the day and went to those dark places where it is not helpful to go. Will was at Session meeting and I was so low. It was a very difficult evening for me.

However as a good friend reminded me today--that's why God orchestrated 24 hours in a day, because there is a beginning and an end. The end and going to bed puts closure on a tough day and brings hope of the morning.

Today has been so much better. I had energy to work from home on my project. Then I had several visitors. I always find I am much better when people visit. I'm sure it is my personality of loving to have people all around me. They told stories, made me laugh, shared crises in their own lives. They treated me as their friend. I thrived.

Read a very meaningful devotion from Streams in the Desert. I would like to share a portion that I found so helpful. "Therefore do not always look ahead to your tomorrows for some ideal situation, exotic difficulty or faraway emergency in which to shine. Rise today to face the circumstances in which the providence of God has placed you. You crown of glory is hidden in the heart of these things--the hardships and trials pressing in on you this very hour, week, and month of your life. Yet the most difficult things are not those seen and known by the world but those deep within your soul. It matters not how the battle goes, the day how long; Faint not! Fight on! Tomorrow comes the song."

That is my prayer for all of you as you battle life's uncertainties and hardships. Please pray for me to learn to take one day at a time.

Thursday morning is my appointment with the oncologist. He will tell us the results of the MRI. Then we will know if the chemo regiment is working and some cancer cells are dying. If so, I will undergo another chemo session that day. If not, it will be decision time. Pray for wisdom in decision making and peace as we await results.

My heart overflows with gratitude for your love and support,
Deb

Good morning, friends...it was a pretty quiet weekend. Mom struggled with some pain and the usual fatigue, but she was able to take a short walk on Sunday with a friend and really enjoyed the fresh air. Mom and Dad also had a visit from a man who has the same kind of cancer that mom does and his wife (friends of a friend). This visit was an encouragement because this man was diagnosed four years ago, received the same kinds of chemo that mom is, and has come out on the other side. We continue to pray that mom will be able to tell a similar story.

I hate being far away from Mom, and I wish more than anything that I was boarding a plane again this week to be with her during chemo on Thursday, but I'm looking forward to lots of good family time on Thanksgiving. It seems like kind of an ironic holiday now that we are walking through a time of crisis and uncertainty, but what I'm learning is that having spirit of gratitude does not mean being happy and contented about everything, but instead focusing on what we DO have--another day to love each other and to enjoy the sun rising in the sky, the blessing of friends and co-workers and even strangers who are praying along with us.

This weekend I had the opportunity to have lunch with one of my dearest friends in the world, and it was so nice to be with someone who knows me and accepts me as I am, someone I didn't have to pretend with, and someone who has been with me through the rough patches and the joyful moments of my life and been a consistent, trusted confidant the entire time. She is gift to me. My prayer today is that we would all take a moment to thank special people in our lives. I don't think we can ever know how important those acknowledgements might be.

From Dorothy again

Good Morning,

I'm starting out a little differently than the last post after being reprimanded by a former pastor, who shall remain nameless (I say with my tongue firmly pressed in my cheek), who informed me that some of you would not be familiar with me. I had not given this any thought due to my excitement of just being here. So to clear up any confusion, I didn't come in from Kansas but rather Ohio where I met Deb and Will when they came to Sebring in 1983. Will became the Pastor of Sebring Presbyterian Church where my family and I attend. Deb and I got together weekly to what would now be called prayer/share/care time. Looking back it seems that we had little life experience and our prayer request were sometimes contrived. But it was through this time we forged a friendship that has lasted the test of time and trial.

Deb and I ran a few errands yesterday while Will attended a pastor's bible study. We paced ourselves so Deb wouldn't become too fatigued. I think at the end of the run Deb felt successful and accomplished and that was the goal. The fact that Deb trusts me to drive in the Philly traffic is amazing. I was told yesterday by Deb that Will still tells stories of my being directionally challenged. Last night was a quiet night for us at home. It was amazing to open the door to a beautifully prepared dinner of cornish hens, risotto and asparagus. Again, as I mentioned in my earlier post, the outpouring of love here has been wonderful. Deb did have some problems with shortness of breath yesterday and that was a concern.We had determined later that maybe it was from dehydration and she sipped water all evening. Each little thing makes you question its origin, but that is where we need to rely on our faith. Sometimes easy, sometimes not so easy.

We watched a little television together and went up to bed knowing an MRI would be done early in the morning. Deb handed me Lance Armstrong's book, It's Not About The Bike: My Journey Back to Life, on my way to bed. She had wanted me to read the chapter on chemo so I dug in before sleeping.

Because the MRI was scheduled so early, Deb and Will went alone. I stayed at the house and got everything put back together to go home tonight. The MRI went well but because they had to connect and reconnect the port it took a little longer than usual. When they got home Deb experienced some nausea and we put her right to bed. After a nap she felt so much better and is as I write visiting with two colleagues in another part of the house. It feels good to hear the Deb's voice become animated as she talks about work. Imagine having a nice conversation about something just regular, not cancer. At times just doing away with the elephant in the room feels good, normal.

I wanted to mention something about the chapter on chemo in the Armstrong book. I think chemotherapy is a process you can't entirely understand unless you are the one having it.

When we put Deb to bed earlier today she was shivering so bad I laid over her to warm her.

She told me that cancer was so hard....don't ever get it. Pretty profound words. Lance had an oncology nurse who really was an angel to him. When he asked her if she thought he would pull through she answered in such a unique way. This is just a portion of it. She said, "Lance, I hope someday to be just a figment of your imagination. When you're cured you'll say, "Who was that nurse back in Indiana? Did I dream her?"

Deb has mentioned several times how surreal all of this still seems. My hope and continued prayer is that we will be looking back on all of this and seeing God's healing hand.

One more story for you. Whenever we sing the hymn, "God of Grace and God of Glory" in our church invariably during the chorus John and I will look at one another and transpose Grant's name in the place of courage and wisdom. I know you are singing it in your head right now.

It's something we have done since they left, just a little trivial thing that makes us think of the family. I looked the song up in the hymnal I found here this morning. The scripture listed under the title is Joshua 1:9 Be strong and courageous: do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

It seems very fitting doesn't it.

I decided to post early and let my leaving be private. I'm not good at leaving.

It has been good for me to share with you while I've been here. Thanks for listening.

Many thanks to Nadine for allowing me this luxury.

Yours in Christ, Dorothy

From Dorothy

Hello..I was so happy to finally arrive on Tuesday morning. It didn't take but a few minutes for Deb and I to settle into our usual rythmn. We took a long walk and discussed tough issues with the honesty and frankness to which we have long grown accustomed. This is just one of the things I love about her and sharing like this is a pattern that has been nurtured for many years and thankfully is still intact. I'll admit this was a fear for me before I left home and came to a head as I waited to board the plane in Pittsburgh. A quick call to John for reassurance made those fears go away and seeing Will at the airport felt like I'd just seen him yesterday. Deb and I spent the rest of the day catching up and just enjoying being together. A visit from a friend bringing gifts and food providing a wonderful hour of sharing. I came not really knowing what to expect and this was a great time of unexpected serendipity. Will, Deb and I got into a game of Bananarama and I came out on the short end, but lots of fun. After a bit of TV time we went to bed realizing we had a big day coming up.

Today started early with a morning visit to Deb's Primary Care Physician. Deb has been bothered by an onslaught of tears and emotion that have accompanied this last round of chemo, also more fatigue than she is used to, all of which the doctor patiently explained as useful and beneficial. We were both impressed with the care and love shown in this particular visit. She gave Deb so many tangible things to do that we were both pschyed when we left. On the upside the doctor told us to get some Lactose Free Slim Fast. The thought behind this being both to boost her caloric intake and provide needed protein. Weight loss countinues to be a problem, please pray for this area specifically. Not so easily accepted was the doctor's mandate that Deb stay out of large crowds. She absolutely nixed the idea of church until all of the chemo rounds are over because it would compromise her already depleted immune system. This was really the only time Deb protested citing her need to support Will. I always go to church, I think is the way she put it. I would insert all CAPS for emphasis on that last statement but I think all of you know how assertive Deb can be. The doctor would not relent and as I write this I would hope the folks at Leverington PC would extend grace in this area too. I have been overwhelmed by the love expressed by this congregation, it is staggering. They truly exude the love of Christ.

Will met us at the Wellness Community for their collective support groups. After that Deb and I stayed for a Mind/Body Meditation class that proved to be both interesting and profitable.

Finally arriving back home Deb took a snooze and soon Will was home. I'm happy to report Deb had a great dining experience, she ate quite a bit, while we shared about our newfound meditation expertise. I can't express how much this has done for me just being here and I'm already thinking it will be hard to leave, but I'm thankful to Will for his loving care for Deb(my BFF) and would again ask for prayers this time for him. I am new to all of this and the additional stack of hats that he is is wearing are truly staggering.

In closing for today, this journey is really just beginning and we don't know exactly what the future holds, but thankfully we know who holds the future.

Yours in Christ, Dorothy

From Deb

Well, Nadine just left to fly back to her home in Pittsburgh. It has been wonderful having her here, but so very different. Instead of exploring new boutiques together or walking for hours at an orchard, I had to savor the moments of her curled up next to me on the bed holding my hand and stroking my head as I drifted off for one of my many naps. She has been such an encouragement that I should not beat myself up for my lack of energy. Somehow I look at it as a weakness to feel so tired and drained. She reminds me that my body is fighting and it needs rest and sleep to arm itself for this battle. I am so proud of the woman she is, the character she has and the strength and faith she draws on.

I have also come to despise the "end the call" button on skype. It brings smiles to our faces to talk with Grant, Deborah, Miles and Claire through the computer. Miles was excited to show us his pumpkin he decorated with stickers. Claire at 3 months is alert and grins. Having Miles give us kisses on the computer is one of the most joyous moments of the day. I could watch him all day and never tire of his antics and stories.

So sometimes it isn't an "ah-ha" moment that gets you through the day. Sometimes it is just the hand massage a friend stops by to give, or a special loaf of pumpkin bread someone brings, or a text message saying I am loved. How thankful I am for those signs of support. In those dark moments when the Lord seems distant, I feel blessed by all of you.

Although we woke up to sunny, warm weather, this was a dark day emotionally. Mom shared that she feels positive and hopeful most days but sometimes she feels like this battle is impossible and never-ending. Today was one of those days when even the hymns in church and the promises in scripture didn't bring much comfort. Mom had a really difficult afternoon of being emotionally and physically exhausted. Betsy Rockey brought dinner and visited for a while, which provided a helpful boost for Mom's spirits. Please pray for her stamina as she endures the two most difficult days of the chemo side-effects today and tomorrow and pray for joy to come in the morning.

Nadine is back!

Hello, friends...I'm sure you've enjoyed hearing from all of the "guest contributors" while I spent a busy week back in Pittsburgh. Last night the Pregnancy Resource Center of the South Hills, where I serve as the Education Director, held it's 20th Anniversary Banquet. It was truly a beautiful event and a celebration of life. Now I'm in Philadelphia celebrating each moment of life with my mom. I arrived today--thankfully I flew this time rather than making the long trip in the car by myself--around 1:00 and will stay until Monday evening. Mom tried to warn me that she would look different and I should prepare myself. I am sure there will be difficult moments for all of us over the next few days, but the thing about being with my mom is that she is still the same person she always was: witty, opinionated, determined, full of life. We are comfortable with one another, and from the moment I step foot in my parents' house I am truly home, so I feel safe here even in the throes of uncertainty. I do think Mom looks thin and somewhat physically weakened, and she was nauseous during the afternoon, but she was still able to spend a full day visiting with several friends: Becky and Adina, then, later in the afternoon, Linda. We had dinner with Dad in front of the fire and talked before playing several rousing games of Banana Grams. As I type this the fire is still crackling behind me and Mom is getting ready to watch "Ugly Betty." Simple moments but special ones.

From Will

Today Deb began her third round of chemo. First we met with Dr. Sun, who said Deb has to relinquish control and stop being concerned about the CEA level for her cancer markers. He said these are different for each individual. He reminded her that she is a person who is living life, and happens to have cancer. His main concern is that she has lost six pounds in the last two weeks. He said that this is one area she "can" control. Her lactose intolerance gives her less options for getting protein, so he said he wants her to focus on eating fish, chicken, and beef so that she gets protein from meat. Next Friday she will have another MRI scan; then we will meet with Dr. Sun on the 19th to see if the chemo is working or if there needs to be an adjustment in the type of chemo she is receiving. She will then receive round 4 on the same day. It looks like they will try to give her six rounds before surgery. Thanks so much for your prayers. Right now Deb is feeling light headed, tired, and has a sore back, but other than that....love, will

From Deb again...This is the night before Chemo round three. It is a time of anticipation and a time of anxiety. Of course, for those who know me well, it comes as no surprise that I have a list of questions for the oncologist. With other illnesses you know if you are improving, but with cancer, who knows? Only a scan can tell if the chemo is killing those cancer cells.

I am so very happy that Nadine is coming from Friday until Monday to be here as a support. She brigs me comfort and love, and I long to have her sit with me, pray with me and talk about the wonderful memories we have and hope for ones we will create for the future.

My cousin reminded me today that Galations 6:2 says, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." So many of you have taken that verse to heart and have given such an outpouring of love to us.

I covet your prayers for the next several days I am on the chemo infusions.

Thank you, Deb

Another new voice: Deb's. These are the days before round three of chemo that happens on Thursday, the 5th that I have more energy. Of course the problem with chemo is that the effects are cumulative. So the times of "get up and go" are fewer, but I am thankful to awaken each morning and look forward to the day. I went to work for several hours today. If felt good to be at the office and see my colleagues who are incredibly supportive.

A man I admire in my cancer support group (he just got married to a wonderful woman a month ago) said it takes about eight months until you start to see the blessings that dealing with cancer bring to your life. The first time he said that I could not imagine, but you know, he is right. Each day brings a struggle of nausea, fatigue, times of being afraid and times of feeling surrounded by peace.

My blessings have come in the form of family and friends. So many prayers and so much support. How grateful I am for that. It seems that people just know wonderful ways to show their love. Friends who buy me acrylic glasses because they won't conduct the cold and hurt my fingers; send money and say "this is to be used for valet parking at the hospital"; buy me a sweatsuit because I am so cold; bring over snacks for Will to enjoy during the Phillies games; Whole Foods gift cards so buying organically isn't such a financial burden; money designated for my hair dresser to come to my house; coming to visit from many parts of the country to just hold my hand when I am having a down time; sending books and food and beautiful cards, all reminding me of God's love for me and my family. I have especially felt privileged to have people pray with me and for me.

I have missed having siblings, yet two of my cousins have started emailing me almost daily just to keep in touch, sharing memories and just telling me about their lives. It has filled a void of not having family around. How thankful I am for them. I look forward to getting emails from many friends just telling me about life or sending a joke to make me laugh.

I am blessed. I don't know what the future holds. But none of us know that. I do know that I have surrendered my will to the Lord and I will face the many challenges with His help. I don't know what I would do without Will's support and Nadine, Grant and Deborah's love and support.

I want to thank all of you. I do send my love to you all.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." --Romans 8:37

(It’s Jeanie again –)

Deb was eager to buy some of the edible items suggested by so many of you, so we drove across town to the Trader Joe’s in Jenkintown.  (I kept looking for sterile concrete freeways, but had to settle for the amazing gold and yellow and red forests, meandering streams, and rolling hills . . . )  We filled our basket, then were joined by Deb’s friend Bonnie for a healthy and delicious lunch at Whole Foods before heading home mid-afternoon.

Will and Deb really like being together, so when someone else is here he’s able to carry on much of his pastoral work.   He’s been able to do some pre-marital counseling, visit several parishioners, and even rehearse with the choir for Sunday’s Saint Saens’ Cantata.  (Even though he’s a novice, they’re making him sing it in Latin just like everyone else.)

 Midday seems to be a low point for Deb, but an afternoon nap and good dinner perks her right up.  Her side effects are consistent with the information for the drugs she’s been given, but she’s learning ways to manage them.  It’s great to see her old self emerge as she takes a phone call re: her latest project – a line item in the state budget which provides funds to develop a course for superintendents and principals as they take their continuing education credits.  The process provides for enough flexibility that she can work from home sometimes, and go into the office at other times. 

 We’re planning on experiencing our first T’ai Chi class tomorrow morning at the Wellness Center (see yesterday’s post), and, if all goes well, we shall be rewarded by a visit to two of our friends, Lord and Taylor. . . 

Good evening from a new voice –

Nadine has graciously allowed me to be a guest contributor for a couple of days. I’ve  known Deb and Will since our Southern California days (mid-1970s).  I came in Tuesday morning, happily exchanging 80 degree days for the glorious colors of fall in Philadelphia.  

People have been amazingly generous.  Her basket of cards is an ongoing source of hope and encouragement.  Tomorrow we go to Whole Foods and stock up, courtesy of many of you.  And the dinners!  Will and I “prepare” dinner by going “shopping” in the refrigerator, and Deb is eating well.

Today we went to her support group in the Wellness Community, which meets in a beautiful old mansion (1762) (http://www.fairmountpark.org/RidgelandMansion.asp).  What a gift this group is!  She went in to the meeting this morning a bit down, but two hours later emerged laughing.  Rest assured that her natural gifts are still operative:  She is still caring deeply for others.  She found herself saying to another member, “Wow – that sounds like it’s really hard for you . . .”   She learned a new term that we’re trying to internalize:  “The new normal”.  It’s meant to describe the current reality – not necessarily a permanent condition, but whatever the current situation is.  For example, Deb’s old normal was breezing through a full workday, going to the gym, and maybe going shopping.  The “new normal” is walking around the block very slowly, sometimes stopping to rest. 

We then went to a shop called Material Culture -- 90,000 square feet of unique items from around the world -- which made for quite a long day.  

The Phillies game is on tonight, so Will’s excited.   He’s wearing his Phillies T-shirt and taking each Phillies out personally.   And once again, dinner was lovingly delivered.  I’m kinda likin’ it here. . . Jeanie

Hello...first, I apologize for not writing yesterday. I know you have all been praying and wondering how round 2 of the chemo is going. Mom's chemo bag was removed yesterday...during the first round Sunday evening was the time Mom crashed. When I talked to her earlier today she was feeling pretty sick even though she was able to go to church. Pray that these next few days are an easier transition and she keeps hydrated and is able to eat.

Mom is so appreciative of the books and CDs that people are sending. Most are arriving anonymously so she can't thank you each individually but wanted me to tell you that they are all very meaningful. Mom's friend Jeanie arrives from CA Tuesday morning to spend the week with Mom. That will give Dad an opportunity to spend more time with his congregation. The congregation is very supportive and Mom and Dad are so thankful for their loving kindness.

One of the difficult side effects is that the tips of Mom's fingers are tingling and numb and very sensitive to the cold. She is having a difficult time typing, and picking up a cold drink or even silverware sends an electric shock through her body. The doctors have warned her that as the weather gets colder she needs to keep her nose and mouth covered because breathing in cold air will cause that same shock.

The Penn infusion nurses that come to the house have been compassionate and caring. One even prayed with Mom that she would grow closer to the Lord amidst all these challenges.

I will make every attempt tomorrow to add more photos to the blog so that you can see the faces of Grant, Deborah, Miles, Claire and me. It's been a long time--years even--since some of the readers of this blog have been physically with our family, which is why the spiritual and emotional connection we share is so important. We continue to covet your prayers around every bend in the road.

It's been a long day for Mom, but she received her second dose of chemo in the hospital and will continue her treatments at home like she did two weeks ago. Her friend Bonnie was able to go with her and was a great support.

Hello, everyone. Please be in prayer for Mom tonight that she will rest well and be prepared to face a 2nd round of chemo tomorrow morning. Today was again a positive one for Mom and Dad, who both attended support groups this morning. Mom also had an appointment with a doctor specializing in Chinese herbal medicine especially formulated for cancer patients and enjoyed an acupuncture treatment. I spoke with her just a few minutes ago while Dad was preoccupied by his Phillies and wished, as usual, that we were not separated by a long turnpike. I wish I could sit with her tomorrow and hold her hand, but I am thankful as always for the support of the community in Philadephia and believe with all my heart that the Lord will be by her side tomorrow as He has been every day.

I'm smiling as I type this because I have some positive news to share: Mom was able to go to work for a few hours yesterday and today and is feeling pretty strong right now. She and my dad will begin attending their respective support groups tomorrow morning, and Mom will be getting another acupuncture treatment before she begins another round of chemo on Thursday in an effort to be more pro-active and perhaps ward off some of the stronger side-effects she experienced last time. The chemo will begin at 11:30 on Thursday morning, so please be in prayer over the next two days. Continue to pray that the chemo will eat right through the cancer cells and that God will sustain Mom and give her the endurance she needs.

I thought I'd write just a quick update about the weekend. I was so glad just to be here with my mom. She is doing pretty well after five days on an IV of fluids and anti-nausea medicine. Her energy level is improving, and she was even able to attend church and then go out to lunch with my friend April and me. We encountered a challenge while trying to hook up Mom's IV yesterday. There were air bubbles in the line and Dad and I were quite the comical team as we tried to trouble-shoot. I know that I do not have a calling now or ever in the medical field, which makes me even more thankful that Mom has a great team of nurses assigned to her as well a friend and a neighbor who are nurses and can help as well. 

Personally, I was so thankful to run into old friends at the wedding April and I attended last night who expressed concern and support. A few have walked through cancer with their own family members, and it was very comforting to know that there are people who know how I feel. Although there were emotional moments at church this morning, we also felt supported there and appreciate every gesture and expression of support from the Leverington family. I am going to attempt this coming week to return specific e-mails from those of you who have written, but know that if you don't hear from me or from my mom and dad right away that we are so grateful that we are in your thoughts and prayers. 

Mom and Dad visited the Wellness Community today to sign up for support groups--Mom for a group comprised of fellow colon cancer patients and Dad for a group established for caretakers--and felt like it was a very positive experience. Mom felt stronger today which made all of us feel relieved. I can hardly wait to finish work tomorrow so that I can get on the road. I am hoping to make it to Philadelphia by about 8:00 tomorrow night and look forward to spending the weekend with my parents. I will continue to send updates throughout the weekend.

Mom continues to deal with the dehydration caused by her diarrhea. Although her brief visit to the hospital for IV fluids helped, her nurses are planning to bring an IV to the house for the next couple of days. Tomorrow morning Mom and Dad will meet with a group of ministers who will lay hands on Mom and pray for her healing.

Today was another rough day for Mom, but we are praying that she will start to feel better very soon. One of the problems seems to have been dehydration. This afternoon she and Dad went to Chestnut Hill Hospital so that Mom could get an IV of fluids for a couple of hours, which seems to have helped her. We are hopeful that tomorrow she will feel stronger and more rested.

Today continued to be a rough day for Mom. I'm a little bit angry tonight as I think about her enduring the side-effects of chemo and wish I could be there to comfort her, so I don't have much encouragement for those of you reading. All we can do is pray and, for tonight at least, that will have to be enough. Please pray specifically that she will be able to hold down liquids so that she doesn't become dehydrated.

If you are still wishing to do something tangible to help besides contacting Martha Lamb about making meals, you can continue to send Whole Foods or Trader Joe's gift cards. She said she would appreciate soup to eat. Mom is not allowed to have fresh flowers in the house right now-something to do with low white blood cells-so although they are beautiful we will have to wait on bringing her those.

Thank you all for your love and faith and hope.

This day has been a struggle for Mom as she battles the side effects of chemo. She's been nauseous all day long and won't be able to attend the wedding tonight with everyone. She did want me to thank her sisters in Christ from Leverington who wrapped her in a prayer shawl this morning at church and prayed for God to heal and sustain her. What a beautiful, tangible expression of God's love and care even in the midst of a deep valley.

The nurse came today to unhook Mom from the chemo. Mom has experienced some nausea today and continues to be tired. Please pray for her during these next few days especially as the nurse warned that she might experience increased side effects.

The procedures to implant Mom's port and administer the first dose of chemo went smoothly yesterday. She came home after a long day at the hospital still with the chemo pack attached to her port and will wear it through Saturday, when the nurse comes to remove it. She was able to receive the chemo at the hospital in a private room with a computer, DVD player, etc. which helped to pass the time. Dad was with her there as well.

So far she feels extremely fatigued but isn't experiencing nausea and was able to accompany my dad, Deborah, Miles, and Claire to the Please Touch Children's Museam today for a little while. Grant will fly in tonight after work to join them.

Finally, a definitive plan is in place for Mom's treatment. Today the oncologist and surgeon concurred that her chemotherapy should start immediately, so tomorrow morning at 7:15 Mom will have a port put in and start chemo right afterwards. She will have chemo in the hospital for 4-5 hours and then come home with the IV for 48 hours. A nurse will then come to the house to remove it. She will have a week off and then return for another round following the same routine. They will complete 3 rounds of treatment and then scan Mom to see if the tumors are shrinking before proceeding with either more treatment or surgery. Even as I type this it all seems very overwhelming. I don't like being so far away from her, but I'm thankful that Grant, Deborah, and the kids are visiting this week, and of course Dad will be with her the entire time.

Last week in church my pastor was talking about different names for God and mentioned "Yaweh-Shalom," which means "The Lord is peace." Let's pray that Yaweh-Shalom will be very close to Mom tomorrow as she embarks on this daunting journey.

Below is a copy of the e-mail message that will be sent out (if it hasn't already) to the members and friends of Leverington Presbyterian Church (my parents' church). My mom's friend Martha is organizing these efforts, which I very much appreciate.

Dear Friends at Leverington,

Many of you have asked how we as a church community can assist Deb and Will at this time. After speaking to them both, I would like to set up a meal plan schedule that can start as early as this week for a period of at least one month. Deb is going to undergo intense treatments in the next few weeks. Deb's doctor has requested that during the treatments she stay on a bland, easily digestible diet such as chicken, seafood, rice, pasta, bread and potatoes, with very little vegetables. However, I'm sure Will would enjoy a few vegetables. If anyone is interested in bringing a meal to the McKinneys, please send an e-mail to me at mlamb4@verizon.net or call me at 215-482-0871 and I will begin a schedule.

If anyone would like to contribute financially, the Deacons are accepting donations. Will and Deb have already incurred some expenses and Deb is not currently working.

Thanks to everyone for their love and support for the McKinneys. It is a wonderful way for us to give back to them in a small way for all they've done for the Church for so many years.

Martha Lamb

Mom and Dad met with another surgeon today at University of Pennsylvania hospital. Unlike the other surgeons they met with, this one suggests chemo before surgery since Mom is still healthy and not weak and could better endure chemo now then after colon surgery. Mom and Dad both felt very comfortable with this surgeon and have decided that if the oncologists concur Mom will have a port put in on Thursday so that she can begin chemo. We don't have details yet as to how often she will receive it, but it's a good thing to have a plan in place. Please pray that the appointments this week go smoothly and we can stay on-track, and pray that this chemotherapy will shrink all the tumors so that surgery won't need to be so invasive later.

Mom and I have enjoyed a sunny afternoon of playing at the park with Miles. Mom wanted me to pass along a word of thanks for the anonymous gift-giver who left the mums at the house today. Dad returned home to find them and called to tell us. They are both very grateful for the loving gesture.

Mom arrived in Pittsburgh several hours ago, and after I picked her up from the airport we did a little shopping for my new apartment. She looks great and seems energetic to me. My apartment feels more like home now that she is here with me. On Saturday we will head to Grant's house to spend time with Miles and Claire while Grant and Deborah celebrate their 5th anniversary.

Mom and Dad continue to collect information and search for a surgeon and oncologist. Yesterday, they went to Jefferson University Hospital and, today, to the Cancer Treatment Center of America. This coming Monday they will meet with doctors at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital. So far, both oncologists they have talked to feel that colon surgery is crucial and imminent. As soon as Mom chooses a team to work with they will schedule surgery. After the surgery she will begin chemotherapy, but at this point we don't know the exact plan for those treatments.

Tomorrow Mom will fly out to Pittsburgh to visit Grant, Deborah, Miles, baby Claire, and me. We are so looking forward to spending this time together.

This entry was supposed to be published last night, but I had technology issues. I apologize for keeping you waiting--I know many of you were anxious to hear the results of Mom's test yesterday. Unfortunately, the cancer has spread to her lungs. This is obviously not the news we were hoping and praying for, but we refuse to be hopeless and ask that you continue to join us in prayer. Mom and Dad met with one oncologist and are scheduled to get a second opinion soon. Please pray that the team of doctors they choose will be diligent and creative problem-solvers and will determine the best course of treatment.

I was struck this morning, in the midst of my exhaustion and sadness and discouragement, with the realization that God loves my mom more than all of us combined could hope to love her. Though all of this is beyond my understanding, I know that he holds her in the palm of his hand.

Please continue to leave messages of encouragement on this blog. They bring strength to our hearts.

We are all encouraged by the outpouring of love and support so many of you have shown already. I will try to bottle up all of the strength we are gaining so that my mom can rely on it during difficult days ahead. Please pray for her doctor's appointment tomorrow morning...she will be getting a scan of her chest to see if the cancer has spread to her lungs. Pray that her lungs will be completely clear and that she will begin to get some questions answered about a course of treatment for the existing cancer.

Some of you have asked for suggestions as to how you might contribute in a helpful way. Mom and Dad will be shopping at Whole Foods for supplies for Mom's eating plan, so if you would like to send a gift card please feel free to do so. If you need their home address just e-mail me.

James 5:16 says, "...pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

As some of you know, my mom has been diagnosed with metastatic colon cancer that has traveled to her liver. We are shocked and stunned. At ths point, we are still collecting information from her test results and consults with various doctors to determine the best course of treatment.

Naturally, many people are asking how they can tangibly show love and concern. Currently, my mom has adopted a severe regiment of eating only organic fruits, vegetables, gluten-free products and natural food, so please do not bring or send food. We covet your prayers and your positive thoughts.

As new information becomes available, I will update the blog. Grant or his wife, Deborah, might contribute as well. We believe in hope and in God's healing power. My mom is one of the strongest people I know, and she is a fighter.

If you would like to post words of love, support, or encouragement you may do that here. Also, if you have questions or suggestions for me, please e-mail npmemories@yahoo.com